I’ve been away from the blog now for a long time. I’m of two minds about that.

Mind #1: Don’t push it. Write when you feel like it. When you don’t, don’t.

Mind #2: Push it. Write even if you don’t feel like it. It’s part of your recovery.

The blog is not part of my recovery. Sorry, it’s not. Weighing and measuring my food, working the steps, using the tools, these are parst of my recovery. The blog exists to further other goals. If those goals are no longer meaningful, stop. If they remain real, continue.

What happens when there are too many goals? Time to prioritize. I have so many things I want to do. I’d like to learn to play the guitar and drums. Continue to act. Learn a language.  Write a play or song or both. Stay abstinent (picked up a 9 year chip recently).

After staying abstinent, it’s hard to set these in an order. I am acting. Very grateful for the opportunity to do this. I had a part this Fall and I’ll be in a show again in March. Rehearsals start the first week of January.

So, where does this blog fall in and around all of this? I’m not sure. I won’t avoid the blog, but I also won’t force myself to write here. Doesn’t seem like the right thing to do.

I wrote this last year, on Friday, December 24th. The next day,Christmas morning, I read this at my Overeaters Anonymous meeting. I hope you enjoy it.

Bright Christmas morning, the baking all done

Compulsive Overeaters awake with the sun

 

Many roll out of bed and slip down to the floor

Where the knees work quite well for a moment or more

 

To remember just what we are facing today

more cookies and candy and cakes, oh hooray

 

There they are, all so quiet and peaceful and so unprotected

I’m feeling quite certain that no one suspected

 

That just at that moment, for reason uncertain

My willpower weakens, my confidence hurtin’

 

What’s just one candy, one chocolate, one snicker doddle?

But it ain’t just the one, it the who kit caboodle

 

and then like a flash, it just pops into my brain

the Serenity prayer then I hear the refrain

 

God grant me the serenity to accept things I can’t change

and after it passes I don’t find it strange

 

To need this reminder, when food starts to call

’cause my willpower never has gone the long haul

 

No, to keep my thinking and actions in check

To keep my fine life from becoming a wreck

 

For that please remind me that I’m not in charge

’cause I know if I was I again would be large

 

My life works much better, each night and each day

when the lessons I learned in these rooms find their way

 

To the small quiet voice, that I hear when I try

God as I understand Him, he’s really the guy

 

that keeps my mind free of disease every day

just one at a time because that’s what we say

 

So then this day is one, not so different than others

when it comes to my food, and if I have my druthers

 

I’ll focus on others, my family and friends

and I’ll keep my food clean and avoid new amends

 

So this Christmas day, I wish all those who hear

The words that I’ve written, I hope I’ve been clear

 

That eating compulsively isn’t a choice

please won’t you join me and lift up your voice

 

So I’ll say it once and then you can repeat

No matter what, I just don’t have to eat.

 

No matter what, I just don’t have to eat.

Just over a week ago I had my scheduled bilateral laparoscopic hernia operation. Not an emergency. All went very well. In fact, I am surprised at how easy it’s been recovering from the procedure. Except for heavy lifting, which is still off the menu for another week, I was back to my regular routine in 5 days.

Because of the 3 small incisions below my belly button, it’s been uncomfortable to wear regular pants so I’ve been wearing pajama bottoms all week. Today is the last day I think I can get away with this.

This morning I was doing my regular grocery shopping. Waiting in line, a healthy sized woman behind me made the friendly comment that I sure looked comfortable in my PJs. I smiled and said yes, quite comfortable. I then explained about the operation and incisions. She then lifted up her shirt and showed me her 2 year old incision from stomach bypass surgery. I smiled and asked her how that’s working out. She proceeded to whip out a picture of herself at 384 pounds, which was below her peak of over 400 pounds. Turn about is fair play so I pull a fat picture out of my wallet. I was 300+ when it was taken. Some people compare pictures of the grandkids. We compared fat pictures.

I knew what she did, obviously, so I explained what I did. No judgement about her choice. We were both pretty clearly happy for each other. It was a very nice encounter. Lasted maybe 4 minutes. Did I plant a seed? Maybe. My work here is done, for now.

 

I am a Cumbies fan. The coffee is pretty good. The people are nice. They do have some weird food though. Some of this stuff seems to be the same ones they opened with years ago.

I have a feeling eating these is not the same spiritual experience one gets from, say, a sack of White Castle burgers. Now that is nirvana. Or was.

I was asked, just today in fact, to do pictures. Okay. Here’s a set. Compare and contrast:

Bacon Cheddar Beef Patties from Whole Foods

Bacon Cheddar Dog Treats

Your assignment, 500 words on how these are the same. Due Friday.

* You’re welcome.

If you’re sitting in front of your TV eating compulsively wishing you could stop, you’re an Overeaters Anonymous member and might not even know it!

True or False?

I wrote that sentence in an e-mail to someone looking to attend their first OA meeting and wondering about “membership”.

We’ve been at it again. The World Service Business Conference of Overeaters Anonymous has expanded the definition of abstinence (I would include a link but at present, this only exists on OA’s news page and that changes over time. So trust me. All I did was cut and paste.):

Statement on Abstinence Expanded: The Statement on Abstinence and Recovery (WSBC Policy 1988b, Amended 2002, 2009 and 2011) has been revised to include the underlined words at the end of the first sentence: “Abstinence in Overeaters Anonymous is the action of refraining from compulsive eating and compulsive food behaviors while working towards or maintaining a healthy body weight. Spiritual, emotional and physical recovery is the result of living the Overeaters Anonymous Twelve-Step program.”

Actually, the sentence on recovery is NOT part of the definition of abstinence. It’s been munged onto the definition of abstinence. I’m not sure why but in the official policy statement, it’s separate.

I may be a vegan, but I have a beef with this new definition. On it’s face, it’s wonderful but beneath the covers lurks what seems like a huge problem. Let’s start with the base definition of abstinence, as I learned it back in 2003: “Abstinence in Overeaters Anonymous is the action of refraining from compulsive eating.” I don’t know how it was first defined in 1988.  If I had to guess, we probably defined it as refraining from compulsive overeating and changed it to embrace the restrictors among us. A good thing, to be sure.  Since then, we’ve felt the need to define this more closely. Why? There were good reasons, I’m sure. I heard them, even agreed with some and I might have voted for the most recent changes but I’ve come to believe this is wrong and I believe Dr. Bob can explain it better than I can. If you’ve read Dr. Bob and the Good Old Timers, you’ll remember this quote. These are reported to be Dr. Bob’s parting words to Bill W.:

“Remember, Bill, let’s not louse this thing up. Let’s keep it simple,”

Keep it simple seems to be exactly what we in OA are having a very hard time doing when it comes to our definition of abstinence.

I wondered how A.A. dealt with the definition of sobriety. I haven’t  yet been able to find anything official on this but, from what I have found on the web, it seems the first 12 Step fellowship has considered this, at least among the fellowship, if not also at their business conferences. Their conclusion? Keep it simple. There are too many opinions. As a fellowship sobriety seems to simply be the continuous state of not drinking alcohol. Beyond that they let the Steps establish the principals for living.

There really are too darn many ways to define Abstinence, certainly some are going to be regional. Around here lots of people think abstinence requires a food plan with no flour or sugar. It is these sorts of difference that led to splits in OA over the years. Other food addiction fellowships like Greysheet Anonymous and Food Addicts Anonymous have their roots in OA but as we continued to narrow the requirements to be an OA meeting (yes, narrowed), the folks who felt their recovery required exactly the path being “outlawed” in OA, just left. None of these fellowships is bigger than OA but that’s not really important. The questions for me is this. Is OA stronger because of the new definition of Abstinence or are we just encouraging more members to decide OA is not for them? What happened to the big tent? Could this change lose us members? If it does, should we care? If the folks that leave do so and find recovery in another fellowship, great. If they just leave the 12 Step world altogether, that would be a shame. I’ll be sure to remind members to take what they want and leave the rest.

I’ve come to think that this need we have to monkey with this definition is a form of perfectionism. We don’t seem to be able to leave well enough alone.

In a year or two I might suggest a change to the definition myself and return it to what it was in 2003. Let’s just keep it simple and not louse this thing up.

I found myself listed as a member of an OA group on Facebook. I don’t recall if I signed up some time ago or if it happened through some other mechanism. In any event, I dropped out of the group because, while only members of the group can see wall posts, anybody can see the membership! That’s a break if anything is.

If you’re an OA member, you might want to seriously consider dropping out of the group. Click here for Overeaters Anonymous page on Facebook.

To be very clear, this Facebook page is NOT endorsed by Overeaters Anonymous. I’m sure it was created with only good motives in mind.

This came to my attention via my iGoogle HowTo news feed. It closed with this video. Maybe the Red Cross should give these away as a means to encourage blood donations.

Hey, don’t forget to order a diet Coke with that.