Not exactly. More like, “Steve who?”.
I’ve been burning through Overeaters Anonymous sponsees or, “almost” sponsees like there is an unlimited supply. One guy I had worked with a few months, another, a few weeks. Both, Poof! No response to my calls. No response to text messages. One, I see active on Facebook and I’ll “like” an entry from time to time (because I like them). I take it as a good thing that I’ve not been un-friended, yet. Can that be just a matter of time?
These two I will move to my 12th Step Within phone list. These are folks who I call at least once a month to let them know OA is still here and they can come back and work with another sponsor. No harm. No foul.
The third is a man who called me because my number is on our IG answering machine (with others) and he called because he was struggling. We talked. He committed his food and did okay for a day or two. We planned to get together at a meeting this morning but, over the last few days, no returned calls. No returned text messages. Radio silence. I’m guessing he’s not in a ditch or hospital somewhere as his phone seems to be on (calls don’t go straight to voice mail).
When this happens, and I have to say, it’s not all that rare, I have to remind myself:
- Program is for people who want it, not for people who need it.
- I am not in charge.
- I am not a perfect sponsor, but I am a sponsor and I sponsor to the level of my experience.
- I have five other sponsees that I’ve been with a long time.
- I can raise my hand in meetings again because I have time now.
So, I’ll just keep on showing up because the alternative doesn’t seem too attractive to me at the moment.
7 users commented in " You’re Fired! "
Follow-up comment rss or Leave a TrackbackI don’t get it, either . . . you have years of abstinence and 12-Step experience, you’re funny, and you’re insightful. You’re a dream sponsor for the OA newbie looking for a sponsor.
How odd that you can’t find a committed sponsee and I can’t find someone I really click with who isn’t already so very busy with sponsees or other OA service. I understand being nervous about calling regularly as a sponsee–I don’t use telephone because I feel like I’m bothering other OA members. But when I get a sponsor, it’s gonna be daily calls, especially through finishing Step Four and getting through Step Nine.
And don’t think of it as being fired . . . they quit coming halfway. You’re still there with your hand out for them to put theirs in yours–you’re keeping The Promise. Some day soon, I bet you’ll find the sponsee who wants a lifetime of recovery and a long-term sponsor.
Maybe there’s something your HP can do or is trying to point out in the grand scheme of things?
Believe me, I don’t take this personally. Once upong a time, I did. Not anymore.
Interestingly, my step sponsor and I speak once a week for an hour. Occasionally I’ll call mid-week if I need to talk about something. My food sponsor and I speak 3 times a week though sometimes, cause she’s an old lady, who I love and care a great deal for and about, I call more often.
Five sponsees who call on schedule remind me it’s not all about me!
[...] Today, I read Thank God It’s Lunch Time by Steve, and his most recent entry was about being a sponsor whose sponsees aren’t using one of their most important tools. It’s interesting that a [...]
Thank you for sharing this. I am currently sponsoring a total of 4 folks in some way shape or form…3 I am sponsoring on the steps and 1 is using me as a backup sponsor. Of the 3 that I sponsor on the steps, 2 of them when awol and I made an outreach call to both of them…may try Facebook as well…the 1 that I am backup sponsor to calls me from time to time, texts me her food and we update each other on facebook along with great hugs at OA meetings…so that pretty much leaves me with 1 other member that I am actively working with and that is o.k. I had to learn not to take it personally and trust me, I didn’t want that lesson to happen, but it did. I also had 1 sponsee in the very beginning of my sponsorhood that pretty much told me to “f*** off and do not call me again!” when I called to see how he was doing. Boy, oh boy, did I want to “fix” him…how dare he talk to me like that…doesn’t he know who/what I am…and I am sure that you know the rest of the song—finally when the music died down and I could listen to my HP who gently reminded me that I have a program to work and that program includes having a sponsor and being available to sponsor, if I am asked…and today, I am very grateful to be abstinent and have a program to work. Take care and be well…
Will
Hi Steve,
Do you believe that online sponsoring is effective? Just wondering…
Hi Steve
My name is Kerry, and firstly i would like to say thanks for your comment on my blog. It gave me the inspiration to phone the ladies at OA. Unfortunatly i got no answer on either of the phone numbers. But i will try again tomorrow.
I have been reading through your site, and your a very inspirational man, who has obviously come a long way in life.
I will admit, i am terrified at the thought of going to OA, but i know that i need something like that. Its that fear of the unknown thing.
I will keep on checking in on your web site.
Keep up the awesome work.
Kerry
Thank You
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